Built from one marriage. Tested against research
The argument is never just about the argument.
Most couples can predict how the conversation will end. Far fewer can explain why different topics keep ending in the same argument.
The assessment reveals the communication patterns behind recurring conflict, so you can stop guessing what’s happening and start recognizing it.
Not sure where to start? Take the assessment, or book a quick call to talk it through.
69%
That is how much of what couples argue about never fully resolves, according to research from The Gottman Institute. The same argument, returning for years in different forms.
The research documented that the argument comes back. The Conversation Cores Method shows you why yours does, and what to do the next time it starts.
Founder
I built this because I lived it.
I had no idea.
To talk through what’s been happening and see if this is for you.
What couples have said
Looking at it together.
“Money. Always money. We’d start there and end somewhere I didn’t even know how we got to. I’d been making the same point for fifteen years and assuming he was choosing not to get it.”
Lina V.
“She was always tired. I knew she was tired. I told myself she was just bad at sleeping. The workshop was where I started looking at how much of what I called my life she was making possible.”
Ben M.
“I kept saying he wasn’t listening. He kept saying I was angry. We were both right and neither one of us could prove it.”
“We’d stopped fighting. For a while I thought that meant we were okay. The workshop gave us a place to look at it. Turned out we’d just been quiet about the same things, not over them.”
Drew P.
“My husband and I have been married for sixteen years. I didn’t know I’d disappeared until someone asked me what I wanted and I couldn’t answer. I’d stopped having my own answers years ago. I have some now.”
Composite testimonials drawn from client work. Names changed for confidentiality.
How It Works
You stop having the same argument.
Recognize
You recognize the communication pattern you reach for when the same argument starts, even if you have never known how to describe it.
Recalibrate.
You see your partner's. Why their side has been sounding like it's against you, when it isn't.
Realign.
You understand what each of you is doing. So the argument goes somewhere instead of circling back.
The Conversation Cores Method is grounded in five established bodies of research: perpetual conflict (Gottman and Levenson), demand-withdraw (Christensen and Heavey), adult attachment (Hazan and Shaver), conflict styles (Thomas-Kilmann and Rahim), and emotion regulation (Gross). How the Method extends each one is on the Method page.
Where the work happens.
Realignment Lab
Sort what’s happening before the next conversation.
The Conversation You're Afraid to Have
Get to the conversation you keep circling.
The Conversations That Change the Pattern
Stop having the same argument.
Start with the pattern behind the argument.
The argument never ends, it pauses. Couples live with a recurring problem for an average of six years before getting help with it, according to research from The Gottman Institute. The assessment takes about 5 minutes. 16 questions, free. You’ll see your primary and backup Conversation Cores and have something practical to use before the next time the argument comes up.