Built from one marriage. Tested against research
The argument is never just about the argument.
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69%
That is how much of what couples argue about never fully resolves, according to research from The Gottman Institute. The same argument, returning for years in different forms.
The research documented that the argument comes back. The Conversation Cores Method shows you why yours does, and what to do the next time it starts.
Most couples don’t say it like this.
“We’ve had this fight fifty times. Different topics. Same fight.”
“It’s not that he won’t help. It’s that he doesn’t know what to help with.”
“I’ve tried saying it every way I know how. Eventually I just stopped saying it.”
If the love isn’t the problem, something else is.
Founder
I built this because I lived it.
Most relationship content is built from the outside. A researcher who studied couples. A therapist who worked with them. A framework that was applied to them. What Jake and I bring is different. We are the data.
I’m Amber Frazier-Finkelstein. I run Battles Insights and built the Conversation Cores Method. I’ve spent the last decade working with couples and leaders on the kind of communication that breaks down inside high-pressure households.
My husband Jake runs 10cubed, a tech-enabled digital marketing agency. We’ve been married for over a decade and we have kids and a household and the same kind of life that breaks the same way for everyone we work with.
Jake and I had the same fight for ten years. Different Tuesdays. Same fight. The love was never in question. We just couldn’t see what was happening, and we’d run out of ways to try.
The shift came in a season where the work I’d been doing fell to him, and the work he’d been doing fell to me. Three weeks in, he came home and said four words.
I had no idea.
To talk through what’s been happening and see if this is for you.
What couples have said
Looking at it together.
“She was always tired. I knew she was tired. I told myself she was just bad at sleeping. The workshop was where I started looking at how much of what I called my life she was making possible.”
Ben M.
“Money. Always money. We’d start there and end somewhere I didn’t even know how we got to. I’d been making the same point for fifteen years and assuming he was choosing not to get it.”
Lina V.
“My husband and I have been married for sixteen years. I didn’t know I’d disappeared until someone asked me what I wanted and I couldn’t answer. I’d stopped having my own answers years ago. I have some now.”
“We’d stopped fighting. For a while I thought that meant we were okay. The workshop gave us a place to look at it. Turned out we’d just been quiet about the same things, not over them.”
Drew P.
“I kept saying he wasn’t listening. He kept saying I was angry. We were both right and neither one of us could prove it.”
Composite testimonials drawn from client work. Names changed for confidentiality.
How It Works
You stop having the same argument.
Recognize
You recognize your fighting style. The move you make every time the same argument starts, the one you've never had a name for.
Recalibrate.
You see your partner's. Why their side has been sounding like it's against you, when it isn't.
Realign.
You understand what each of you is doing. So the argument goes somewhere instead of circling back.
Where the work happens.
Realignment Lab
Sort what’s happening before the next conversation.
The Conversation You're Afraid to Have
Get to the conversation you keep circling.
The Conversations That Change the Pattern
Stop having the same argument.
